The Child Who is Considered "OVERweight"

Last week on Boston Talks, the Jim and Margery show, had a segment which they called "FAT FRIDAY." They spoke extensively about overweight children or as Jim refers to them, "fat kids." I understand that Jim is concerned about the obesity crises, but by asking parents not to 'sugar coat' (excuse the pun) the issue to their kids and just 'tell them they are fat' is by all accounts just an ignorant statement. The reality is that, just like adults, kids come in all different shapes and sizes, some are very large and some are extremely slim. In our weight obsessed society, it is very easy to jump on the bandwagon, make quick assumptions and come up with quick fixes. After all, if it was really easy to be thin, we wouldn't need the 50 billion dollar a year diet industry. Unfortunately, some children carry the gene that predisposes them to be heavy. This doesn't mean that they must live a life of obesity, but what it does mean, is that it will be more difficult for these children to maintain a healthy body weight. What makes it harder? Anxious parents and/or physicians, who constantly weigh and measure these children, try to restrict their food intake, categorize foods into 'good' and 'bad' categories so that if a child has a cookie, he or she feels like a 'bad' kid. These are also the same parents who outlaw certain foods, like chocolate or potato chips. Margery made a comment that she knows the kids whose parents restrict their foods because when they come to her house, they are drawn to the 'forbidden foods' like a magnet. I can attest to this is my own home. Believe me, a child will find that forbidden food more appealing just because it is forbidden!

So what do you do? The first thing is to determine how your child is growing. If your child was born in the 80th percentile for height and weight and has stayed the same, then your child is fine! He or she is growing normally and don't interfere! However, if your child has been steadily in the 80th percentile and them jumps dramatically to the 95th percentile, stop, breathe and take a look at what is going on:

1/ Is your child hitting puberty? If so, it is perfectly normal for a girl between the ages of 11-15 to gain up to 40 pounds.

2/ Has your child had a change in activity level? Did she used to go to dance twice a week and swim on the swim team and now is taking piano instead? DON'T MAKE A CHANGE; just take a look at the activity level.

3/ Has your child had any major stresses in his or her life? New school? Family changes? Sometimes kids, like adults, use food to cope with difficult emotions.

4/ Do you sit and eat as a family? By providing this structure for your child you are letting her know that sitting down and eating is important. Are there a wide variety of foods served? There should always be a protein, carbohydrate, vegetable or fruit served.

5/ Are you 'over-monitoring' how much your child eats? Help your child learn to be in charge of her own satiety and fullness. Ditch the clean plate club mentality and also ditch the diets and restrictions. Just prepare the food and let your child determine when she has had enough. Remember, it takes 20 minutes for your brain to get the message that your stomach is full. Model eating slowly and enjoy the process.

Other helpful tips:

Tips for Parents:

Provide regular family meals. Meals reassure children that they will be fed. Provide a wide variety of foods, always have at least one food each member of the family will eat.

Model healthy eating and exercise by eating a variety of different foods, listening to your body's own physical hunger, exercising for fun and not to "punish yourself for eating" and keeping active as a family. Make it fun
Lim it screen time (computer and television).

Promote positive self -esteem in your child. Tell your child that you love him/her often and that you love him/her unconditionally. Tell your child you love him/her for who he/she is inside, not because of external appearances.

Teach your child to be assertive - to ask for what he/she needs. Remember to model this behavior whenever possible. Discuss with your child the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.

Promote the diversity of all body types. Remind your child that everyone is born a different shape and size.
Talk to your child about the genetic differences in body types. Go through a family photo album and look at
the pictures of relatives in your own family. See and discuss the different body types of each family member.
Ask your child to find the body type most like him/her.

TRY NOT TO:
Use food as a reward or punishment. This will ultimately lead to control battles in the future regarding certain foods. In addition, if food is given as a reward/punishment, it is ultimately creating an emotional feeling to be
associated with the food, i.e., "If I am good, I can eat ice cream, if I am bad, I do not get ice cream." Don't ever deprive a child of food because of behavior problems.

Diet in your house. Model for your family that diets don't work, they are associated though with moodiness, binge eating, depression, fatigue, and ultimately long term weight gain. If you are worried about your weight
or your child’s weight, speak to your physician or meet with a nutritionist. Diets change your eating for a short time; changing your eating routine lasts a lifetime.

Limit your child's diet unless a physician says to for a specific health reason. Limiting soda and adding low fat dairy products are positive ‘diet’ changes and promote lifelong habits.

Break food into "good" vs. "bad" categories. This will lead a child to ultimately equate "what he/she's eaten, with who he/she is morally. i.e., I've been so good lately. I've only eaten low fat foods, or I've been so bad lately, I've eaten all high fat foods."

Comment on your child's body shape or weight. Model this behavior by not commenting on anyone's body, i.e.. friends, spouse, television personality. Don't ever compare your child's body to one of his/her friend's body. Remember everyone is different! Don't give your child the impression that one type of body is better than another.

Continue the "myths" i.e., "the clean plate club"- let your child determine when he/she is physically full -don't use guilt as a tactic for your child to eat more.

Don’t eat in front of the TV or in the car. By focusing on what you are eating, you are less likely to overeat and lose focus to what your body is telling you.

Don't use mealtimes to discuss unpleasant topics such as discipline problems, financial problems or other stressful issues. It is important to keep conversations during meals pleasant and relaxing.