Train Your Brain to Think Differently

There are a number of ways to feel better about your body, one is to change the way you currently think. If you find yourself constantly putting yourself down, either aloud or in your head, take note or make a change. First write down the 'bad body thought'. Next, write how you would 'reframe' that thought in a positive way. Imagine that you are talking to your best friend. How would you reframe it to him or her? Write the reframe down and read it many times a day. Hang it where you will see it. Text it or email it to yourself. Over time you will start to change how you think about your body. Start today, take small steps and remember to be patient with yourself.

Here are some examples of negative brain messages and how you might 'reframe those messages.'

BRAIN MESSAGE: "I wish I looked like Jennifer Aniston. She looks so perfect in Shape this month.”

BRAIN REFRAME: “I know that all media and messages are carefully constructed by teams of professionals – NOT reflections of reality. I choose to use a filter to help me to understand what an advertiser wants me to believe and then choose whether I want to believe that message. I can also talk back when we see an ad or hear a message that makes me feel badly. AND I can choose not to look at magazines or websites with highly concentrated levels of advertising and computer altered images.”

BRAIN MESSAGE: “I went to the doctor today and my weight and BMI are more than I anticipated. I feel disgusting. I work out every day and eat healthy foods; I can't believe that I weigh what I do."


BRAIN REFRAME: Neither weight nor Body Mass Index tell us anything substantial about body composition and health. Eating habits, activity patterns, and other self-care choices are much more important.

BRAIN MESSAGE: “I need to weigh myself to know what I should eat today. If I am up a pound I need to cut back on my calories. I hate myself when the numbers go up.”

BRAIN REFRAME: “I need to stay off of the scale. It‛ really hard to build an attitude of body acceptance and trust when you are basically climbing on the scale to ask if it‛ OK to feel good about yourself that day. It is ALWAYS OK to feel good about yourself –don‛ let a machine tell you any differently.”

BRAIN MESSAGE: “I wish I was more muscular and thinner.”

BRAIN REFRAME:
“I realize that I cannot change my body type. Whether I am lightly muscled, bulky, or rounded, I need to appreciate your body and work with your genetic inheritance. Instead of thinking of it as a limit, I need to embrace who I am.”

 
BRAIN MESSAGE: “I wish I looked like my friend Sue. She has the most amazing body and always looks good.”

BRAIN REFRAME:
“I realize I have to stop comparing myself to others me; I can’t get a sense of my body’s needs and abilities with someone else’s body as a reference point. And the research has shown that frequent comparing tends to
increase negative body image.”

BRAIN MESSAGE: "I need to constantly look in the mirror to see if I look "good enough."

BRAIN REFRAME:
“I need to limit the “body checking” that I do throughout the day. Researchers have also found that negative body image is reinforced by lots of time in front of the mirror, or frequent checks of (perceived) body flaws. Instead of looking at every mirror or reflection, tell your brain that you are “ok”- “no looking necessary.”
 
BRAIN MESSAGE: “I need to work out every day or I will turn into a fat slob.”


BRAIN REFRAME:
“Yes, I need to move but I need to do it for fun, not because I have to but because it makes me feel strong, energized, and less stressed.”

Your brain is a muscle, work to make it stronger every day and little by little you will begin to change how you think and feel about your body.

The Child Who is Considered "OVERweight"

Last week on Boston Talks, the Jim and Margery show, had a segment which they called "FAT FRIDAY." They spoke extensively about overweight children or as Jim refers to them, "fat kids." I understand that Jim is concerned about the obesity crises, but by asking parents not to 'sugar coat' (excuse the pun) the issue to their kids and just 'tell them they are fat' is by all accounts just an ignorant statement. The reality is that, just like adults, kids come in all different shapes and sizes, some are very large and some are extremely slim. In our weight obsessed society, it is very easy to jump on the bandwagon, make quick assumptions and come up with quick fixes. After all, if it was really easy to be thin, we wouldn't need the 50 billion dollar a year diet industry. Unfortunately, some children carry the gene that predisposes them to be heavy. This doesn't mean that they must live a life of obesity, but what it does mean, is that it will be more difficult for these children to maintain a healthy body weight. What makes it harder? Anxious parents and/or physicians, who constantly weigh and measure these children, try to restrict their food intake, categorize foods into 'good' and 'bad' categories so that if a child has a cookie, he or she feels like a 'bad' kid. These are also the same parents who outlaw certain foods, like chocolate or potato chips. Margery made a comment that she knows the kids whose parents restrict their foods because when they come to her house, they are drawn to the 'forbidden foods' like a magnet. I can attest to this is my own home. Believe me, a child will find that forbidden food more appealing just because it is forbidden!

So what do you do? The first thing is to determine how your child is growing. If your child was born in the 80th percentile for height and weight and has stayed the same, then your child is fine! He or she is growing normally and don't interfere! However, if your child has been steadily in the 80th percentile and them jumps dramatically to the 95th percentile, stop, breathe and take a look at what is going on:

1/ Is your child hitting puberty? If so, it is perfectly normal for a girl between the ages of 11-15 to gain up to 40 pounds.

2/ Has your child had a change in activity level? Did she used to go to dance twice a week and swim on the swim team and now is taking piano instead? DON'T MAKE A CHANGE; just take a look at the activity level.

3/ Has your child had any major stresses in his or her life? New school? Family changes? Sometimes kids, like adults, use food to cope with difficult emotions.

4/ Do you sit and eat as a family? By providing this structure for your child you are letting her know that sitting down and eating is important. Are there a wide variety of foods served? There should always be a protein, carbohydrate, vegetable or fruit served.

5/ Are you 'over-monitoring' how much your child eats? Help your child learn to be in charge of her own satiety and fullness. Ditch the clean plate club mentality and also ditch the diets and restrictions. Just prepare the food and let your child determine when she has had enough. Remember, it takes 20 minutes for your brain to get the message that your stomach is full. Model eating slowly and enjoy the process.

Other helpful tips:

Tips for Parents:

Provide regular family meals. Meals reassure children that they will be fed. Provide a wide variety of foods, always have at least one food each member of the family will eat.

Model healthy eating and exercise by eating a variety of different foods, listening to your body's own physical hunger, exercising for fun and not to "punish yourself for eating" and keeping active as a family. Make it fun
Lim it screen time (computer and television).

Promote positive self -esteem in your child. Tell your child that you love him/her often and that you love him/her unconditionally. Tell your child you love him/her for who he/she is inside, not because of external appearances.

Teach your child to be assertive - to ask for what he/she needs. Remember to model this behavior whenever possible. Discuss with your child the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.

Promote the diversity of all body types. Remind your child that everyone is born a different shape and size.
Talk to your child about the genetic differences in body types. Go through a family photo album and look at
the pictures of relatives in your own family. See and discuss the different body types of each family member.
Ask your child to find the body type most like him/her.

TRY NOT TO:
Use food as a reward or punishment. This will ultimately lead to control battles in the future regarding certain foods. In addition, if food is given as a reward/punishment, it is ultimately creating an emotional feeling to be
associated with the food, i.e., "If I am good, I can eat ice cream, if I am bad, I do not get ice cream." Don't ever deprive a child of food because of behavior problems.

Diet in your house. Model for your family that diets don't work, they are associated though with moodiness, binge eating, depression, fatigue, and ultimately long term weight gain. If you are worried about your weight
or your child’s weight, speak to your physician or meet with a nutritionist. Diets change your eating for a short time; changing your eating routine lasts a lifetime.

Limit your child's diet unless a physician says to for a specific health reason. Limiting soda and adding low fat dairy products are positive ‘diet’ changes and promote lifelong habits.

Break food into "good" vs. "bad" categories. This will lead a child to ultimately equate "what he/she's eaten, with who he/she is morally. i.e., I've been so good lately. I've only eaten low fat foods, or I've been so bad lately, I've eaten all high fat foods."

Comment on your child's body shape or weight. Model this behavior by not commenting on anyone's body, i.e.. friends, spouse, television personality. Don't ever compare your child's body to one of his/her friend's body. Remember everyone is different! Don't give your child the impression that one type of body is better than another.

Continue the "myths" i.e., "the clean plate club"- let your child determine when he/she is physically full -don't use guilt as a tactic for your child to eat more.

Don’t eat in front of the TV or in the car. By focusing on what you are eating, you are less likely to overeat and lose focus to what your body is telling you.

Don't use mealtimes to discuss unpleasant topics such as discipline problems, financial problems or other stressful issues. It is important to keep conversations during meals pleasant and relaxing.

Weighing Your Child At School...Helpful or Harmful?

With the heightened anxiety surrounding obesity, many schools have instituted mandatory weigh-ins and BMI assessments. Although school health departments have the best interest of their children in mind, they are going about things the wrong way.  As the founder of MEDA, Inc., the Multiservice Eating Disorders Association, a non-profit eating disorder treatment and prevention agency, as well as a mother of three girls.  I am very concerned with the new proposed policy regarding the mandatory Body Mass Index (BMI) screenings. Not only does BMI reporting place an inappropriate responsibility on schools, but there is also a lack of evidence that this strategy will aid in obesity prevention. Implementing widespread interventions based on non-existent or limited research findings has the potential to exacerbate severe problems related to disordered eating and poor self esteem. The mission of schools is to promote a healthy learning environment for children. Mandatory BMI reporting may, in fact, compromise a child’s learning environment. In addition, to be weighed and measured with other peers can be not only embarrassing, but degrading for a growing child. As an eating disorder specialist, I have heard countless stories over the years of clients saying that a ‘school weigh in’ was an event that marked the beginning of their eating disorder symptoms. I am also concerned as to the reaction of guardians when a BMI letter is received. Unfortunately, the direct consequence of many parents and caretakers when faced with their child’s ‘high BMI’ report will be to restrict eating and encourage dieting. Dieting and restricted eating, are associated with attention and memory deficits as well as increased anxiety. Every day the public is bombarded with conflicting information regarding healthy eating and effective strategies for weight loss daily. This information is difficult enough to navigate as a professional in the field. What about a parent who is told that his/her child now must lose weight based on a quick test done at school? Mandatory BMI reporting laws force parents to walk the fine line between encouraging healthy eating and promoting unhealthy weight loss strategies.

In addition, according to a policy statement on the Prevention of Pediatric Overweight and Obesity (2004) by the American Academy of Pediatrics, BMI has its limits as an accurate measurement of obesity.  For example, children often grow unevenly, gaining weight before growing in height. Sometimes it is at a consistent rate, following along a particular percentile curve on her/his growth chart. However, sometimes a child may veer from her usual growth pattern. In this case, a professional needs to look for reasons why,and this is up to a child’s family and pediatrician, not a school nurse or other school staff member. Some children are more muscular due to physical activity and genetic factors so, despite a lean body mass, their weight and, therefore, their BMI, will be higher and in the “obese” range.  Hence, many athletes are miscategorized as obese.  Frame size may also affect the BMI. A child can naturally have a larger body type, without having excessive fat or any health risks.   The BMI formula can also fail to recognize children who have excessive adiposity, despite the fact that it is fat tissue and not weight per se that is considered the risk factor (Dietz & Bellizi, 1999).  None of these factors are accounted for in the BMI calculation.

Furthermore, the standard interpretations of the BMI do not include an analysis and understanding of race or ethnicity. These factors need to be considered as they will provide a more thorough picture of obesity among different populations.  For example, American Indians at BMIs significantly higher than the accepted norm do not have an increased mortality or health risk (National Institutes of Health, 1998). Additionally, African-Americans with a BMI above the norm actually have a lower death rate than those who are in the normal or lower ranges (National Institutes of Health, 1998).

I think it is important for schools to take more time and evaluate what strategies can be done as a culture to promote health, vs. a quick fix mandate with little scientific evidence of success. I encourage schools to utilize its resources by mandating additional physical education classes and by allotting more funding for school social workers. These combined arenas would aid in the development of healthier children.

If you are a parent, you have a "right' to opt out of the weigh-ins. Provide a copy of your child's most recent health form with a note to your school nurse or principal saying that you do not want your child weighed. There are many ways to ensure that your child is healthy, weighing them at school is not one of them.

Family Meals

Many times parents will ask me ideas for creating a healthy 'eating' environment for their child. Providing a family meal is one way to help your child form a positive relationship with food.

Some other important facts:

MEALS REASSURE CHILDREN THAT THEY WILL BE FED.
Children of all ages feel better with structure. Knowing what to expect helps them to feel safe in the world and decreases anxiety. By providing meals at approximately the same time every day, you are letting your child know that you will take care of his/her hunger needs.

MEALS ARE A GREAT WAY TO CONNECT ABOUT THE DAY.
The world is such a busy place. By taking 30 minutes out of your day to talk to your child about his/her day, you will be creating a safe space to share thoughts about school, work and friendships.

MEALS ARE GREAT VENUES FOR INTRODUCING NEW FOODS.
This does not mean that meals need to be complicated events; it just means that you are providing a scheduled routine where children can experiment with new things. By adding a new fruit, vegetable or protein dish to the table, you are giving children the opportunity to explore a variety of new foods.

MEALS TEACH RESPONSIBILTY.
Children of all ages can be a major part of the mealtime process. Toddlers can help folder napkins, preschoolers can set the table, kindergarteners can help with mixing dips, elementary school children can cut vegetables or do simple recipes, middle school and high school children can put together entire meals (with supervision). By giving children responsibilities involving meal time, you are not only teaching them how to make healthy meals, you are increasing their self-esteem by showing them they can accomplish something.

MEALS MAKE EATING IMPORTANT.
Sports, playdates, work, school functions, everything seems to come before a family meal. By scheduling meal times you are modeling to your children that sitting and eating is important. Sitting an eating a healthy meal should be as important as going to be each night.

MEALS TEACH MANNERS.
Teaching a child about table manners will help your child feel more comfortable when going out to eat or to a friend’s house for dinner, and in turn, help your child feel more confident.

MEALS TEACH KIDS HOW TO CONNECT TO THEIR HUNGER
By taking the time to sit and eat, you are teaching kids how to slow down and listen to their body’s hunger. When you eat on the run, in the car, in front of the television, you can’t listen properly to what your body is telling you, am I full? Am I still hungry? Am I thirsty? Model verbal cues while having a family meal, “I think I am done eating. My body feels full.”

MEALS TEACH THE IMPORTANCE OF CONNECTION.
Research shows that people who are more connected with others are less likely to be depressed. By taking the time to bring your family together, and by making mealtimes a pleasurable experience, you are setting the stage for great connections. You are reinforcing the importance of talking to others and sharing your feeling and thoughts.

MEALS TEACH KIDS ABOUT CUSTOMS
Everyone has at least one family tradition from their childhood. Turkey on Thanksgiving or special bread on Christmas or Chanukah. Use mealtimes to teach your child about past and current customs regarding food. Talk about the customs of others.

MEALS HELP FAMILIES GROW PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND SOCIALLYBy providing a meal of healthy food, good conversation and your undivided attention, you are giving your child the opportunity to grow and develop the body confidence she will have for life.

Make a goal to have one family meal a week! With busy lives and busy schedules don't put pressure on yourself to do it every day. Also, family meals do not have to be dinners, they can be weekday breakfasts or weekend lunches.

Reflecting On Yourself

One of the best things you can do as a parent is to examine how you feel about your own body. Study after study shows that parents have enormous influence on how their child thinks and feels about his or her body.

Some questions to think about...

How did I feel about my body when I was a child?

Can you share these thoughts with your child?

How do I feel about my body now?

Do you hate how your body looks? Are you uncomfortable in your own skin? If so, think about how you might be conveying these thoughts to your child.

What messages did my parents and other family members send me about my body shape?

What messages were helpful? What messages were not helpful? Reflect on those messages and use them to help you guide your interactions with your child.

How much emphasis do I place on physical appearance, eating, fitness level?

If I were to ask my child how much emphasis you place, would the answer match yours? Do you think you place too much emphasis on these things?

Do I have healthy body image?

If so, what types of things make you feel good about your body? Share your wisdom with your child.
If not, what steps can you take to begin changing this.

Its never to late to change how you feel about yourself.

Are You Concerned About Your Child's Body Image?

In today’s society, the media bombards us with mixed messages about food, weight and exercise. These conflicting messages, along with what our society dictates as ‘the perfect body’ are difficult for children to navigate.

Although it is important for all of us to eat healthily and exercise regularly, many of our children have unrealistic expectations about how they should look. When faced with conflicting societal pressures many children come to believe they are overweight and unattractive, regardless of their body size. Unfortunately, the shame these children feel is often reinforced by their peers.

·        When a child begins asking the calorie content or fat content in foods she/he is eating

·        Skipping meals

·        Extreme self-criticism, saying their body is ‘gross, fat, disgusting, etc.”

·        Moodiness, depression

·        Refusing to join in at family meals, preferring to eat alone

·        Weighing self often, on and off the scale

·        Exercising excessively, or when sick or injured

·        Dramatic change in weight, loss or gain

It is important to note that a child may only have one of these warning signs and still be in need of help. Children between the ages of nine and fourteen are particularly vulnerable. This is a pivotal time for promoting a positive sense of self and body confidence. It is also critical that parents understand that issues relating to food and body image are generally illustrative of some kind of emotional distress. Helping your child talk about feelings will help foster a positive relationship with her body.

Some tips to help your child talk about feelings:

• Remember, words like 'fat' , 'disgusting' and 'ugly' are not feeling words
• Try not to ask 'yes' or 'no' questions, but questions that elicit at least a sentence
• Try to just listen, instead of solve the problem
• Ask questions like, "what might be helpful right now?" or "what can I do to help you?"
• Remember, all 'feelings' are OK. Validate what your child says, without saying things like, "Oh, don't feel that way, you are such a great kid with so much going for you?"

 ©Rebecca Manley